Tired and Thinking

If possible, I feel as if I've gone through every human emotion in the last week. It's amazing to me how much can happen in a day, when most of the time elsewhere, things are pretty predictable. Don't get me wrong, I like the excitement, but there's a reason we don't experience all of our emotions in a short period of time. It's exhausting. Our minds would splinter under the pressure. Some people's do. 

At the risk of stating the obvious, this culture is so different. I'm allowed liberties here other women aren't because I'm foreign. I wonder if strength of will is inherent or if it develops as a result of being allowed to flourish. Not to say these women aren't strong. I'd say more so than us, but its a quiet strength born of reserves deep within that they learn from their mothers and grandmothers and aunts and older sisters. They raise families in conditions most people cannot imagine with anywhere from six to ten kids. Father is usually working, and Mother is at home cooking food in a dented pot over a small gas stove in an often windowless kitchen. Metal bowls are stacked on the floor beside the stove and an oversized squeegee leans against the wall. All in all, its no bigger than a closet. 

The few homes I've been in also don't have showers, just a toilet and a sink. I've been told they wash from the faucet alone and for many, there are several days between rinsings. But they make do. For most of the people here, this is all they've ever known. There are disparities of wealth even among the poor, and I've seen both ends of the spectrum, but even if one were "wealthy," I believe this is something most of us could never do. The smell of garbage and livestock; the constant dust; the gray vapor of exhaust fumes; the loud, incessant beeping of truck horns; the mud and goo of food and animal remains on the street. No matter how nice and shiny your interior may be, the exterior doesn't seem to have much hope for change. So as one who was born here, who grew up among all of this refuse, do you hope for better? Do you simply live in acceptance? Or do you find the strength and courage to join in the change?